1
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,633
And for $100, name the chief export
of the United States.
2
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:19,834
Wheat.
3
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,834
- Machinery.
- Machinery is correct.
4
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,467
Which state produced the most presidents?
5
00:01:24,633 --> 00:01:25,667
Illinois.
6
00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:27,967
- Virginia.
- Virginia is correct.
7
00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:30,900
Which side of the brain
controls analytical thinking?
8
00:01:31,066 --> 00:01:32,066
The right.
9
00:01:32,233 --> 00:01:34,400
- The left.
- The left is correct!
10
00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:37,600
We'll be back after
this commercial message.
11
00:01:37,767 --> 00:01:40,633
Hey, America. Who do you call
when you don't want to cook?
12
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:41,834
Ahab's.
13
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,033
Ahab's is correct.
14
00:01:44,967 --> 00:01:47,400
Yes, Ahab's for fish and fowl.
15
00:01:47,567 --> 00:01:51,533
Opening soon in an economically
depressed area near you.
16
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:53,800
Daddy's home. Come on.
17
00:01:58,166 --> 00:02:00,633
Hi. How was your day at the shoe store?
18
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:05,066
I'll tell you something.
Feet and the return of warm weather...
19
00:02:05,233 --> 00:02:07,467
...Makes for a deadly combination.
20
00:02:08,767 --> 00:02:11,266
Well, you knew that going in, Al.
21
00:02:11,433 --> 00:02:14,166
Yeah. My back is so tight.
22
00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:18,200
I wish I had somebody to rub it.
23
00:02:18,967 --> 00:02:20,400
Like a wife.
24
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:24,567
Hey, there's one now!
25
00:02:25,867 --> 00:02:27,133
How about my back?
26
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:29,700
You know, I work hard all day too.
27
00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:31,300
Yeah? Doing what?
28
00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:40,800
That feels good.
29
00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:43,033
How good?
30
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:50,734
Where are the kids?
31
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,233
Upstairs.
32
00:02:52,834 --> 00:02:53,867
What if they come down?
33
00:02:54,066 --> 00:02:56,700
I'll take care of it. Bud, Kelly!
34
00:02:56,867 --> 00:02:59,567
You want to come help me in the kitchen?
35
00:03:02,967 --> 00:03:05,600
That should buy us about ten minutes.
36
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:08,467
Seven more than we'll need.
37
00:03:12,433 --> 00:03:14,233
Where were we?
38
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,066
We're here, Bundy!
39
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:25,100
Bundy, don't you know you shouldn't
leave your door unlocked?
40
00:03:25,266 --> 00:03:28,500
It's an invitation to intruders.
41
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,266
What are they doing here?
42
00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:33,033
They're the neighborhood watch.
I invited them.
43
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,367
To watch this?
44
00:03:37,934 --> 00:03:40,200
Hi. I hope
we're not interrupting anything.
45
00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:44,633
No. Just gonna have
a little sex with the wife.
46
00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:50,166
What the heck.
There's always next month.
47
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,333
Our house was robbed this afternoon.
48
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:56,934
Gee, that's too bad.
You wanna hand me my shirt?
49
00:03:57,567 --> 00:03:58,867
What did they steal?
50
00:03:59,033 --> 00:04:00,667
Mostly small stuff.
51
00:04:00,834 --> 00:04:04,867
Radio, earrings, our cameras,
our answering machine.
52
00:04:05,066 --> 00:04:07,000
God only knows who called.
53
00:04:08,834 --> 00:04:10,967
At least they didn't
take anything valuable.
54
00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:14,033
Yeah, this time.
But I know how these vermin think.
55
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:19,367
They take your little crap then come
back with a truck for your big crap.
56
00:04:19,533 --> 00:04:21,533
Not gonna happen in my house.
I'm ready.
57
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:24,767
I got 50,000 volts going
through my window bars.
58
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:27,900
I got a bucket of battery acid
over the back door...
59
00:04:28,066 --> 00:04:31,033
...And a .30-aught-6
rigged to the front door.
60
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:33,133
Then how do you get into your house?
61
00:04:33,433 --> 00:04:35,233
Wouldn't you like to know?
62
00:04:37,033 --> 00:04:39,500
Now, the question before us is:
63
00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:41,433
What are we gonna do about it?
64
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,500
I say we hunt the scum down...
65
00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:45,967
...Then run them over with our cars.
66
00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:49,333
- Then we get fishhooks--
- Marcy!
67
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:53,066
I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.
68
00:04:53,233 --> 00:04:55,233
It's just that
I feel violated.
69
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,300
Someone's been in my home, in my bedroom.
70
00:04:57,467 --> 00:04:58,800
I feel so helpless.
71
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,000
We'd all feel helpless
in your bedroom, Marce.
72
00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:04,934
You got any more beer?
73
00:05:05,133 --> 00:05:06,133
No.
74
00:05:06,734 --> 00:05:08,800
In all the excitement,
I forgot to ask:
75
00:05:08,967 --> 00:05:11,033
Why are you meeting in my house?
76
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,333
Because our wives didn't want you in ours.
77
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:18,667
Hi. Did I miss anything?
78
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,700
You want me back on my wife?
79
00:05:22,633 --> 00:05:23,633
Not on my account.
80
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,567
I'm sorry you got robbed.
81
00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,333
It wasn't me. It was them!
82
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:30,767
It was you. Somebody smashed
your windshield, stole your radio...
83
00:05:30,934 --> 00:05:32,767
...And wrote "wash me" on your hood.
84
00:05:32,934 --> 00:05:34,967
My car! They stole my radio?
85
00:05:35,166 --> 00:05:37,200
Bundy.
The thieves have a point.
86
00:05:37,367 --> 00:05:39,767
You ought to wash your car.
87
00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:41,467
Get out!
88
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,467
Out! Out!
89
00:05:43,633 --> 00:05:47,767
Pretend there's a keg
on the lawn. Out! Out!
90
00:05:51,266 --> 00:05:53,967
I can't believe they stole my radio...
91
00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:55,834
...In front of my house!
92
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,266
I know how you feel.
93
00:05:57,934 --> 00:06:00,066
If you did, you wouldn't be touching me.
94
00:06:01,633 --> 00:06:03,967
We should get involved
with neighborhood watch.
95
00:06:04,166 --> 00:06:06,400
You can't depend on anybody but yourself.
96
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,767
I've put this off long enough.
I'm buying a gun.
97
00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:12,667
A gun is not the answer.
98
00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:15,934
You can't curtail the criminal element
by sinking to their level.
99
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:20,233
Excuse me, Miss Let's-run-them-over-
and-get-out-the-fishhooks.
100
00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:22,367
I was upset. I wasn't thinking.
101
00:06:23,033 --> 00:06:26,667
Yes. She wasn't using the left
or analytical portion of the brain.
102
00:06:29,834 --> 00:06:31,867
I'm definitely getting a gun.
103
00:06:32,066 --> 00:06:33,700
I'd advise you to do the same.
104
00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:36,300
There's got to be a more humane way...
105
00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:38,367
...To protect our home and possessions.
106
00:06:38,533 --> 00:06:39,533
There is.
107
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:42,000
We'll get a dog.
A good watchdog.
108
00:06:42,166 --> 00:06:45,200
A dog. That's a great idea.
I've got a dog.
109
00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:47,500
Buck! Strangers in the house!
110
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:50,967
Kill them, Buck.
Go kill them!
111
00:06:51,166 --> 00:06:53,166
Whoa, big fella.
112
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,834
I don't mean a stupid dog.
113
00:06:57,233 --> 00:07:01,533
I'm talking about a real dog.
A guard dog. A Doberman.
114
00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:06,233
First thing tomorrow we're going
to one of those deadly doggy places.
115
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:10,400
Because we're against guns
and the violence they stand for.
116
00:07:10,567 --> 00:07:12,400
That's right. A dog.
117
00:07:12,567 --> 00:07:16,934
A vicious dog with sharp teeth
that will go through a jugular...
118
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:20,700
...Like a hot knife cutting through
butter on a warm summer night.
119
00:07:20,867 --> 00:07:22,934
- Come on, dear.
- The next guy who gets...
120
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:26,700
...In my bedroom uninvited will walk out
on bloody stumps.
121
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,633
When was the last time you called
to complain about the dog?
122
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,834
Yesterday. Marcy said to stop calling.
123
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,734
The ringing makes him bark.
124
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,667
Everything makes him bark.
125
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,000
It's been two weeks and
you haven't let me see the gun...
126
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,066
...Let alone pick off a pigeon or two.
127
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,700
Bud, guns are not toys.
128
00:07:48,867 --> 00:07:51,967
They are weapons and should only
be handled by responsible adults.
129
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:55,500
When Dad was practicing quick draws
during Donahue--
130
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:57,867
Bud, number one, shut up.
131
00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:00,266
Two, it was Phil's salute...
132
00:08:00,433 --> 00:08:02,333
...To the Huge and Fat
Women's Caucus.
133
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:05,667
Three, there were no bullets in the gun.
134
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:08,266
Your mother took them out
and hid them for safety...
135
00:08:08,433 --> 00:08:10,500
...And she won't tell me where.
136
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,867
Guns, guns, guns. Can't anyone
talk about me for a change?
137
00:08:15,567 --> 00:08:18,467
Okay, Kelly.
Where were you last night?
138
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,233
So, Dad, what kind of gun did you buy?
139
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:24,934
I'll get it.
140
00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:26,533
Coming.
141
00:08:31,633 --> 00:08:33,300
Hi, Peg.
142
00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:38,800
Borrow a cup of Kibble?
The dog's still hungry.
143
00:08:38,967 --> 00:08:42,867
What's the matter?
The neighbor's cat didn't fill him up?
144
00:08:43,033 --> 00:08:45,967
That cat was taunting him, Al.
145
00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:49,133
Gee, you two look cute.
146
00:08:49,367 --> 00:08:52,700
I can't get Al to dress unisex at all.
147
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,934
This is protective gear.
148
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,900
You see, Bella hasn't accepted us
as his rightful owners.
149
00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:01,166
You named that dog after Bela Lugosi?
150
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,900
No. Abzug.
151
00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:05,934
We thought it was kind of cute.
152
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,500
But he won't wear the hat.
153
00:09:09,367 --> 00:09:12,834
Al, by the way, we want
to apologize about your fence.
154
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,767
- What happened?
- Bella ate through it.
155
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:19,633
- It was a little piece.
- Not much.
156
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,033
About the size of a human face.
157
00:09:22,734 --> 00:09:24,934
Rhoades, what are we
going to do about this?
158
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:29,600
Look, we'll handle this the same way
we dealt with the cat incident.
159
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,934
Get estimates, we'll make it good.
160
00:09:32,533 --> 00:09:37,100
We know Bella can be annoying,
and the neighborhood hates his guts...
161
00:09:37,266 --> 00:09:39,200
...But he's a good protector.
162
00:09:40,033 --> 00:09:42,533
Gee, Mom, that's just
what you say about Dad.
163
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:49,533
Mount up! They just hit the Johnsons.
TV and major appliances.
164
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:53,400
We're all meeting at the Bowl and Brew
to calm ourselves down.
165
00:09:55,433 --> 00:09:58,100
See that!
They didn't hit our place.
166
00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:03,333
That's what a good dog will do for you.
Come on. Grab the meal and the Mace.
167
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,934
It's time to feed our doggy.
168
00:10:19,734 --> 00:10:21,800
Peg, did you hear that?
169
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,867
How could I hear anything
the way you snore?
170
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:29,800
What was that?
171
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,333
I don't know.
172
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,066
Don't worry. I'll check.
173
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:36,166
- No, call the police.
- For noise?
174
00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:38,867
It might be a burglar.
Call the police.
175
00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:43,734
I can't.
Kelly's on the phone.
176
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,767
- What are you doing?
- Getting my gun.
177
00:10:47,934 --> 00:10:51,900
You gonna tell me where're the bullets
or wait till the kids see us in the paper?
178
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,900
Come on, Al. I had to hide the bullets
so Bud wouldn't find them.
179
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:57,533
Where are they?
180
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,734
They're in the holes of your bowling ball.
181
00:11:03,567 --> 00:11:04,567
This is real easy.
182
00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:07,767
This is much better than
keeping them handy.
183
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,934
Even an ax-wielding maniac
deserves an even break.
184
00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:12,967
Hurry, Al!
185
00:11:13,133 --> 00:11:16,133
- Where's Buck? Shouldn't he bark?
- I don't know.
186
00:11:19,834 --> 00:11:22,600
You shiftless, worthless, dirty...
187
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,033
Peg, stay at the top of the stairs.
188
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,333
If anything happens, get the kids,
lock yourself in a room.
189
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,667
And if Kelly's off the phone,
call the police.
190
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:49,767
It's coming from the patio.
191
00:11:49,934 --> 00:11:52,266
- Be careful, Al.
- I will.
192
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,500
Okay, creep!
I see you!
193
00:12:18,834 --> 00:12:20,834
Freeze, or I'll shoot!
194
00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:26,600
Oh, my God! Al! Al!
195
00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:30,934
Al, are you all right?
196
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,100
Yeah.
197
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:33,834
What happened out there?
198
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,633
I just shot Steve and Marcy's dog.
199
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,467
How could you shoot a dog?
200
00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:50,700
He didn't look like a dog, Peg.
201
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,300
All I seen were two yellow eyes...
202
00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:56,433
...Staring at me from the bushes,
and I told him to freeze.
203
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,667
Then I thought it made a move at me...
204
00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:00,200
...And I panicked.
205
00:13:00,967 --> 00:13:04,600
You couldn't tell the difference
between a dog and a human being?
206
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,567
He was wearing a hat.
207
00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:13,433
Kelly, honey,
I was trying to protect our family.
208
00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:16,266
That's right, Kel. Dad did a good thing.
209
00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:18,400
Can I go and see the body?
210
00:13:18,734 --> 00:13:20,300
You're disgusting.
211
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,233
And you're failing five classes.
212
00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:25,400
Hey, hey, kids. Listen to me.
213
00:13:25,567 --> 00:13:28,066
Now I think that we can all learn
something from this.
214
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:29,800
What, Dad?
215
00:13:29,967 --> 00:13:31,633
I don't know. Go to bed.
216
00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:33,667
Dad!
217
00:13:33,834 --> 00:13:37,633
I wouldn't argue with him.
He's already killed once tonight.
218
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:41,266
You were very brave, Al.
219
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,800
Wasn't anything that anybody else...
220
00:13:44,967 --> 00:13:47,767
...With the heart of a lion
wouldn't have done.
221
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,467
You should've seen me.
I was a little nervous...
222
00:13:50,633 --> 00:13:52,467
...But I got him between the eyes...
223
00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:56,133
...And there's not a
lot of space between those eyes.
224
00:14:01,066 --> 00:14:03,734
It was a nice shot, Al.
225
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,400
- You want to go upstairs?
- Yeah.
226
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:15,033
You don't suppose that's Steve and Marcy?
227
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,900
Peggy, Al, it's us!
228
00:14:17,066 --> 00:14:19,867
- It's them. What will you tell them?
- I don't know.
229
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,433
If they don't bring it up...
230
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,200
...We don't bring it up.
231
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,033
Hey! Steve and Marcy.
232
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,333
What brings you two crazy kids over here?
233
00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:34,000
- We heard a shot.
- Hey. Peg, look who's here.
234
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,800
It's Steve and Marcy from next door.
235
00:14:38,033 --> 00:14:39,533
They heard a shot, Peg.
236
00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:42,834
Are you going to say anything, Peg?
237
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,367
What was that you said
you came over here for?
238
00:14:47,533 --> 00:14:49,567
We thought we heard a shot.
239
00:14:49,734 --> 00:14:51,900
They thought they heard a shot, Peg.
240
00:14:52,533 --> 00:14:53,700
Did you hear a shot?
241
00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:56,600
Say something, Peg!
242
00:14:57,500 --> 00:15:00,400
If there had been a shot
their dog would have started barking.
243
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,533
Look, guys.
I'm really sorry about that barking.
244
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,834
Oh, hey, forget about that.
245
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,200
Listen, we're friends and neighbors here.
246
00:15:14,367 --> 00:15:17,600
We're not gonna let some
stupid dog come between us, are we?
247
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,900
Why isn't Bella barking?
248
00:15:20,266 --> 00:15:22,367
I haven't heard him in a while.
249
00:15:23,467 --> 00:15:24,900
Al, tell them.
250
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,166
Okay.
251
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:29,667
See...
252
00:15:30,033 --> 00:15:33,000
I tell you,
I really love you guys.
253
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,600
Do you love me?
254
00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:40,000
Well, sure, Al. You know...
255
00:15:40,433 --> 00:15:42,066
...Not really.
256
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:44,967
Tell them, Al.
257
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,800
I'm not telling them anything
till they tell me they love me.
258
00:15:49,633 --> 00:15:51,467
What's going on here?
259
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,133
All right. Okay.
260
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:57,233
But you got to promise me
that you'll let me finish.
261
00:15:57,633 --> 00:15:58,867
Sure, Al.
262
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:01,567
I shot your dog.
263
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:04,300
I'm finished.
264
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,667
Bella!
265
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:10,867
- Is he...?
- Alive?
266
00:16:11,033 --> 00:16:12,066
- Yes.
- No.
267
00:16:14,934 --> 00:16:16,033
Where is he?
268
00:16:16,567 --> 00:16:17,734
He's out in my yard.
269
00:16:17,934 --> 00:16:19,467
You can't miss him.
270
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,900
I didn't.
271
00:16:23,767 --> 00:16:25,934
You stay here.
I'm gonna check on Bella.
272
00:16:27,567 --> 00:16:29,166
You shot my puppy.
273
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:32,900
I'm sorry.
We had a prowler stalking our yard.
274
00:16:33,066 --> 00:16:34,667
Your dog came to my defense.
275
00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:38,867
The burglar, he took a shot
at me, and I fired back.
276
00:16:39,033 --> 00:16:42,700
And poor Bella got in the way
and was killed in the crossfire.
277
00:16:42,867 --> 00:16:44,934
We only heard one shot.
278
00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,600
It was a simultaneous exchange.
I don't know.
279
00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:51,467
It happened so fast.
It's all a blur.
280
00:16:56,667 --> 00:17:00,633
You shot my dog in the middle
of a bowel movement?
281
00:17:07,867 --> 00:17:10,033
- Steve, is he really dead?
- Yes, dear.
282
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,200
How do you know?
283
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:14,867
Well, number one, he didn't respond
to any of my commands.
284
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,000
And number two,
his brains are in the begonias.
285
00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:22,967
You killer!
286
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:25,967
Anyone for cake or coffee?
287
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,633
Now, listen. I said that I was sorry.
Let me make it up to you.
288
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,266
Let me get you another dog.
289
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,166
For what, target practice?
290
00:17:36,266 --> 00:17:39,467
We told him not to get a gun.
We told you not to get a gun.
291
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,734
But you had to go out and be Mr. Macho.
292
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:44,200
Now you've taken an innocent life.
293
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:45,800
Wait. This is not a defense...
294
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:50,767
...But that dog was anything but
innocent. He bit you. He ate a cat.
295
00:17:51,033 --> 00:17:53,800
Given enough time,
he'd have robbed a bank.
296
00:17:53,967 --> 00:17:56,967
- How much you want for him?
- $1000.
297
00:17:57,266 --> 00:18:01,367
$1000 for a dog that just sat there
and let me shoot him?
298
00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:07,667
You want to get off cheap,
next time, plug a squirrel.
299
00:18:07,834 --> 00:18:09,734
All right!
Forget the money.
300
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:12,567
You know what I want?
301
00:18:13,166 --> 00:18:16,967
Yes, and you're too late.
Peg's already got him.
302
00:18:18,433 --> 00:18:21,500
Your gun, Al.
Give me your gun.
303
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:23,367
All right!
304
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:28,767
I want to take it and throw it in the river,
so it'll never hurt anyone again.
305
00:18:28,967 --> 00:18:30,100
Here.
306
00:18:33,633 --> 00:18:37,033
And from now on, we're just neighbors.
307
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,834
Now I know why we got our house so cheap.
308
00:18:44,567 --> 00:18:47,333
Well, that's done.
Where were we?
309
00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:49,567
We were going upstairs...
310
00:18:49,734 --> 00:18:51,467
...Deadeye.
311
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:56,867
Well, all done.
312
00:18:57,066 --> 00:19:00,734
Old Bella's on his way to the landfill.
313
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:07,033
It cost me $20 and a six-pack
for the garbage man.
314
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:11,000
You'd think the dollar I give him
at Christmas would be enough.
315
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,900
By the way, I washed your killing clothes.
316
00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,500
Have a nice day, honey.
317
00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:27,467
- Hi.
- Hi, Al.
318
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,734
Listen...
319
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:33,066
Some words were said last night and...
320
00:19:33,233 --> 00:19:36,400
...We talked it over and we understand
you didn't do it on purpose.
321
00:19:37,433 --> 00:19:39,734
You didn't do it on purpose, did you, Al?
322
00:19:41,467 --> 00:19:43,900
Steve,
I'm a pet owner myself.
323
00:19:44,133 --> 00:19:46,700
Anyway, we decided to let it go
and forgive you.
324
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,333
Thanks, buddy.
325
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:53,700
So I guess if you'll just
give me Bella's body...
326
00:19:53,867 --> 00:19:56,000
...We can forget about the whole thing.
327
00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:59,133
We want to give him a decent burial.
328
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:02,800
In our yard under that tree
where he did his business.
329
00:20:02,967 --> 00:20:05,800
Except, of course, for that last one.
330
00:20:07,333 --> 00:20:09,200
I don't know what to say, Steve.
331
00:20:10,734 --> 00:20:13,000
Yes, I do.
I can't let you do it.
332
00:20:13,166 --> 00:20:14,500
Peg and I talked it over.
333
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:17,734
And we realized that since I'm at fault
I should handle everything.
334
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:20,467
So let me take care of the arrangements.
335
00:20:22,266 --> 00:20:24,533
If it makes you feel better,
that'll be all right.
336
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,133
Marcy will like that.
337
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:29,934
We'll do it tonight after work.
See you then.
338
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,500
Thanks, big guy.
339
00:20:37,266 --> 00:20:39,033
Listen...
340
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,800
...Can you bury him with this?
341
00:20:42,734 --> 00:20:44,700
He really loved this bone.
342
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:49,934
Sure, buddy.
343
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:56,934
Hey, Peg!
344
00:20:57,100 --> 00:21:00,667
I'm late for work.
Can I ask you to do me a little favor?
345
00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:17,900
How much for the crate?
346
00:21:18,066 --> 00:21:21,233
- $150.
- $150?
347
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,400
Al, I didn't have time to comparison-shop.
348
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:34,633
I'd like to say a few words
about the dearly departed.
349
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:41,166
As you know, Bella was
more than a dog to Marcy and me.
350
00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:43,967
He was family.
One of us.
351
00:21:44,767 --> 00:21:46,667
Bella will be missed...
352
00:21:46,834 --> 00:21:49,867
...But his death was not in vain.
353
00:21:50,233 --> 00:21:52,800
He taught us about the value of life...
354
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,767
...And that guns and violence...
355
00:21:55,934 --> 00:21:58,767
...Are not the answer to society's ills.
356
00:21:59,734 --> 00:22:02,567
We can take consolation in the knowledge...
357
00:22:02,734 --> 00:22:06,266
...That while he only lived
one year in dog's years...
358
00:22:06,433 --> 00:22:08,600
...He lived seven in people years...
359
00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:14,000
What a great job.
I got to hand it to you.
360
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:18,200
That box feels heavy enough
to have a dog in it.
361
00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:19,967
What did you put in there?
362
00:22:20,133 --> 00:22:23,800
Some rocks and your bowling ball.
363
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:29,834
But knowing that he's right here...
364
00:22:31,033 --> 00:22:36,300
...In the back yard, where he was so happy...
365
00:22:37,066 --> 00:22:40,734
...Makes us all feel a little less grief.